Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
