Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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