did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
