Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
