i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
