Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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