I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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