So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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