The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
