Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
