Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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