so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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