So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
