I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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