i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
