Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
