I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
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