I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
