Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
