the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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