I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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