Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
