Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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