having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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