My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
