How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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