I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
