My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
