He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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