If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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