Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You are a genius and a whore.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
