The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
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I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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