He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
