My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize