Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
