I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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