are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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