god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish I only lived at night.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
