Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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