You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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