No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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