my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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