so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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