i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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