Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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