we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
