If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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