I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
