better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
