Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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