Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
