It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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