stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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