Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
