I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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