I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
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They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
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Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?