Life is so much better after having sex.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
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Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?