The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.