Don't make out with my wife yet
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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