real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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