This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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