Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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