Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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