ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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