You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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