is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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