don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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