Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Pooping to opera.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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