Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
