drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
